


Stoic Mind and a Bleeding Heart

by leevijaeger



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Cancer, Chanyeol is also a shitty waiter, F/M, because i like miserable chanyeol, chanyeol is miserable, nyc au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-24 13:22:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2582921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leevijaeger/pseuds/leevijaeger





	Stoic Mind and a Bleeding Heart

Despite his looks and his deep voice girls seemed to fawn over, the last thing Chanyeol was good with was women. He couldn't keep more than a minute conversation with them and they ended up leaving once the awkward atmosphere sat heavy on their shoulders. It was embarrassing. How was it that his youngest friend, Sehun, was already engaged? Chanyeol’s mother was already pressing questions on when he was planning to get a girlfriend and get married, he often told her he was too young, but everytime he said that, he would bring up Sehun and mention how he was already getting married. But by that point, he would only listen to his mother’s nagging and then continue to hang up. 

Currently, Chanyeol sat on his couch, gently strumming guitar strings as he watched the sun rise. He sighed and practiced a scale back and forth until he decided it was time to get up from his bed. But even when he put his guitar down and stared at his clock, he realized that he really didn't want to go to work. He sighed and stared at the electricity bill and made way for the bathroom where he would do his morning routine. 

He never thought that he would be this unhappy in life. Shit apartment, shit job, and shit food every night, it was like a scene from a bad film. At least those people ended up with the job of their dreams or the girl of their dreams but what would Chanyeol end up with? A suicide note and a mountain of debt? He scoffed at the thought and put on his jacket, where he would continue to walk in the crisp New York air to a tiny diner on a corner. He heard his manager yap and yell at him for being a few minutes late. Chanyeol simply ignored him, biting his tongue to refrain from any comments that might make him lose his job. 

“Yo! Dumbo! The lettuce needs cutting!” Dave, the manager, barked.

“I cut lettuce last night-”

“Did I stutter?”

Chanyeol took a deep breath and did as he was told, walking behind the counter and bringing down the large knife the plant. How he imagined it being Dave’s head, he smirked at the thought and heard the door open. He saw Dave walk around the corner of the counter to tend to the customers. He was friendly and he smiled, making sure that if the owner of the restaurant would come in at any minute, he would see that everything was under control. 

“Chanyeol! Come over here for a second!” Dave yelled. 

He rolled his eyes and stabbed the wood with the knife, making sure it stood up straight before he left. Chanyeol put his apron around his waist before walking in the dining section, a fake smile on his lips. 

“Goodmorning.” Chanyeol greeted. 

“Meet Ellie, Mr Arbertraus’ daughter.” 

Ellie extended her hand with a smile. Forcefully, he took her hand and shook it stiffly. 

“Miss Arbertraus will be working here, and you're in charge of teaching her.”

Chanyeol has never wanted to throw up more in his entire life. “Shouldn't you do it considering you’re-”

“Park.” He said sternly. 

Chanyeol swallowed and the fake smiled returned, “I'd be happy too.”

“She’ll be starting tomorrow morning. I expect you to be polite.” 

“I wouldn’t be anything less.” 

 

Ellie babbled on and on about how excited she was to be working. Chanyeol could only scoff from the kitchen, she obviously had no idea. She was only seventeen, barely a senior in high school. She had no idea of how cruel the world was or what it was like to live without electricity for two weeks in New York’s ruthless cold nights. She was always warm in her Daddy’s money blankets from his investments and several other successful restaurants. Chanyeol would be polite, but he wouldn't be nice. 

That night, after barks of verbal abuse from Dave, he put away the vegetables, the meat and everything else before wiping everything up. 

“Lock up when you're finished.” was the last thing he heard from Dave before he left. Chanyeol sighed and continued to wipe the countertop. He sat on one of the stools and spun back and forth. He didn't feel like going home, and he really didn't feel like staying here. After he finished his chores, he grabbed his jacket and locked the back door before exiting out the front. He ended up going home anyway, as he walked in, he threw his jacket on the floor and made his way to bed. He stared a good thirty minutes out of the window and looked down. He wondered if he could die if he jumped from here. He suddenly then thought of his mother, and then how it would make a disgusting dent on the neighbors car. 

“Don't be a cry baby, Chanyeol.” He muttered to himself, “Do something with your life if you want to be happy.” 

 

He woke up the next morning to the same routine and debated again whether or not he should feign sick. But, like always, he stared at the soon overdue electricity bill and walked his way to his miserable job. 

Sitting on the counter was Ellie, dressed up in the uniform with a bright smile on her face. He almost wanted to tell her to stop smiling, but her bright eyes made him not to. That, and the fact that her father could easily stomp on him whenever he wanted to. 

“Goodmorning!” She greeted, her bright white teeth shining. 

“Hello.” He sighed, hanging his coat up. 

“So, what’ll we do first?” Ellie asked.

“I don’t know. Where’s Dave?” 

“He said he went to go do some chores. He said that he would be gone most of the day.” 

Chanyeol rolled his eyes, “Of course he would be.” 

“So, what’ll we do?” 

“First off, cut tomatoes. You know how to cut tomatoes, don’t you?” 

Ellie smiled and began to wrap her hair dark hair in a bun on top her head, “Of course I do.”

“Great. Wash your hands and get to cutting those.” 

“Aye yi, Captain.” She saluted. 

Chanyeol smiled but once he turned his back he rolled his eyes. “God give me the strength.” 

When he returned from the back of the kitchen, he saw that Ellie had managed to slice two little piece of the tomato. Chanyeol sighed and walked towards her, “Here. You’re doing it wrong. You have to hold the knife like this and then cut this way.”

Ellie watched in amusement at the quick way he chopped the tomato, “How’d you learn to do that?”

“Practice.” He replied, “Here, do it. Just not as fast or you'll cut yourself. Tomatoes are slippery.” 

“Like this?” She asked, cutting a sample slice. 

“Just like that.” Chanyeol nodded. 

 

Ellie was a diligent worker. She tried her best at everything and still had a smile on her lips throughout it all. She had accidentally set the placemats on fire and she panicked but once Chanyeol extinguished it, she smiled and said, “Close call, huh?” 

She was polite to customers, even the rude ones and made sure they were all treated properly. Chanyeol had to give her props, at least she trying. 

After the long, first day was over, he wiped down the tables and filled up all the containers with salt, pepper, ketchup or mustard. Ellie sat on the counters and waited for her father to come. 

“So where are you from?” She asked. 

“New York.”

“Yeah, but before that.”

Chanyeol narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms, “What makes you think that I lived anywhere else?” 

“Your accent?”

“I was born talking like this.”

“I’m not talking about your voice.”

“Neither was I. What’s wrong with my voice?” 

“Jeez, you’re pretty grumpy a lot. Aren’t you?” 

Chanyeol didn’t reply and continued wiping the counter. 

“So where are you from?” 

“Korea.”

“Where’s that?”

“Asia.” 

“Not China?”

Chanyeol sighed angrily and threw the dirty towel in the hamper. He heard Ellie laugh.

“I’m kidding! I know where Korea is.” 

“Good for you.”

“What’s Korea like?”

“Pretty.” 

“You don’t talk much, do you?”

“Not to children.” He replied. 

“I’ll be eighteen in a few months! How old are you?”

“Not eighteen.” Chanyeol smirked. 

“You look eighteen.”

“How nice of you.”

“But your voice sounds older. Maybe you’re thirty.” 

“You’re pushing it, kid.” 

“I’m not a kid!”

“And I’m not Korean.” 

Ellie put her elbows on the freshly cleaned counter, “So?”

“Leave me alone. Please.”

“Dave said you’d be polite to me.”

“I am, did you not hear my ‘please’?” 

“So your name is Chanyeol.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s your last name?” 

“Park.”

“What’s your middle name?”

“I don’t have one.”

“Are you sure, or do you just not want to tell me?” 

“I’m going to be as polite as I can,” Chanyeol took a deep breath and deepened his voice than it usually was, “You are really, really, really, annoying me. So please, stop talking.” 

“How’d you make your voice that deep?” 

Chanyeol rolled his eyes. It was like speaking to a brick wall. He looked out the window and nodded at the car outside, “Your Dad is here.”

“Oh! Well, since tomorrow is Monday, I won’t be seeing you in the morning.” 

“Guess not.” 

“But I’ll see you in the afternoon. Alright?”

“I’d rather you not, but whatever.” 

Ellie smiled and tapped his hands, “See ya, Yeolie!”

“That’s not my name-!”

The door closed on itself and Chanyeol sighed, running a hand through his hair, “I really hate my life.” 

 

Ellie continued working throughout the month. The good part of it was that Chanyeol and the rest of the workers had gotten a raise, the worse part? Ellie thought her and Chanyeol were friends. 

“So what do you need December 19th off for?” She asked him one night after closing.

“A wedding.”

“Are you getting married?” 

“No.”

“Who is?” 

“One of my friends.” 

“Are you one of the best men?” 

“I am.”

“Will there be pictures?” 

“Yeah.”

“Can I see them?” 

Chanyeol looked up and saw her hopeful brown eyes. He sighed and threw the other dirty towel in the hamper, “Sure. Why not.” 

“I love weddings. What if I come with you?” 

“No. No way in hell.” 

“That was a bit harsh.” She joked. 

 

Ellie was a good worker and Dave praised her everyday for it. 

“What I'd give to get rid of Dumbo for another one of you.” He said, accidentally letting Chanyeol’s nickname slip. 

She smiled and thanked him. But when closing time came, she asked him. “Are you Dumbo?”

Chanyeol sighed, “Yeah. Why?”

“I heard Dave call you that. Why do they call you that?” 

“You know why.”

Ellie hummed, “I think your ears are cute.”

Chanyeol scoffed, “Thanks. That makes me feel better.” 

“Dumbo’s not that bad of a nickname.” 

“I don’t like it.”

“What if I called you Dumbo?”

“Then it’d be worse and I think I’d hate it.” 

“Chanyeol?”

“What do you want?” 

“Why are you so...unhappy?” 

“Why do you care?”

“Because I’ve never seen you smile before. You smile in front of customers, but you and I both know that’s an act.” 

“Low end job, shit apartment, don’t you think you’d be unhappy too?” 

“That’s the first time I’ve heard you curse.” 

Chanyeol sighed and put his attention on filling the salt and pepper shakers. 

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” 

“No. Even if I did, I’m sure she would’ve left. 

“Not even a dog?”

“I have spiders. But they aren’t invited.” He joked. 

“That’s...kind of sad.” 

“Welcome to the real world. Where we can’t depend on Daddy to help us out and pay for our bills.” 

“I don’t depend on my Dad.”

“Who bought that car?” 

“I did.”

“With whose money?” 

She didn’t answer. 

“And who’s paying for that pretty house you’re living in? Who’s paying your bills? Who’s paying for every tiny aspect of your life?” 

Again, she didn’t answer. 

“That’s what I thought.” 

“So that’s why you hate your life? Because I’ve well taken care of?”

Chanyeol had so much anger bubbling in his stomach and realized the only way to get rid of it was to bite his tongue. He soon felt the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth.

“Maybe...maybe I could help-”

“I don’t need your fucking help!” He yelled. “If I want to die in the shithole apartment I live in, then let me. I don’t need you pitying me! I don’t need you here to tell me how bad my life is, so get in your fucking pretty new car and drive off a goddamn cliff for all I care!” 

Chanyeol watched her pick up her keys with tears in her eyes. Ellie left the restaurant and left him in the dark restaurant by himself. He sighed and fell in one of the booths, scratching his head. With Ellie in tears, there was no doubt that she would tell her father. Her father would then tell Dave, and then Dave would scream at him, telling him to leave. 

Chanyeol didn’t even know why he picked New York to live. He hated it, he hated everything. He then thought about leaving back to Korea, but he stopped himself. Maybe he would just leave New York. Maybe he would leave to somewhere calmer, like perhaps the midwest. Rent was probably cheap there, and he could find a job and possibly a decent and maybe a cheap car. Suddenly, living in the middle west sounded like the best idea he’s had in a long time. 

 

A month passed and Chanyeol was temporarily living with Sehun and his newly made wife until he got enough money to start his life all over again. He decided that he would live in Missouri, it was a nice place and Sehun looked at apartments all over. He found one and thought it was perfect for him. It was spacious and there were no spiders, he was excited. 

Dave was starting to notice Chanyeol’s happier mood and Ellie’s less than happy mood. He wanted to know what he was going on, but neither would spill. 

Chanyeol was soon leaving. 

But Ellie had fallen in love with Chanyeol unconditionally. 

 

“What the fuck is this?!” An angry customer yelled. 

Chanyeol looked up from the kitchen to see that Ellie was being yelled at. He looked around for Dave but he was no where to be found. 

“You call this a burger? It’s more cheese than burger!”

“I’m sorry, let me-”

A loud splashing sound had come from the dining area. The customer had threw his entire drink in Ellie’s face. 

“Hey!” Chanyeol yelled out, leaping over the counter towards the customer. “What’s going on here?”

“You work here?” The customer asked.

“Yeah. I do.” Chanyeol threw a punch at the customer’s face. 

“Do you have any idea who I am?” The customer spat, blood painting Chanyeol’s face.

“You could be the King of England and I’d still sock you in the face.” He grabbed the customer’s collar and pulled his head up, “You speak a word of this and I’ll make sure you’ll regret it.” 

“You-”

Chanyeol’s hands tightened around the man’s fat neck, he coughed and gasped for air, his fat face turning red. 

“Chanyeol! Let him go!” Dave yelled from the kitchen, dropping the shopping bags and leaping over the counter to pry his hands off his neck. “Chanyeol!” 

His grip loosened and glared at the man before leaving. He heard Dave apologizing before he left, looking for Ellie. He walked in the single bathroom and saw that she was crying with a tissue close to her cheeks. 

“You okay?” He asked. 

Ellie nodded, “I am. Thank you.”

Chanyeol smiled before leaving the bathroom. “I’m glad you’re okay.” 

Ellie watched the door close and realized that she had finally saw Chanyeol smile genuinely. 

 

That night, before closing, Dave gave him an earful, threatening to fire him and telling him that he was incredibly lucky the aggressive customer agreed not to press charges. He didn’t care, in fact, Chanyeol didn’t care about a lot of things anymore. Dave left after that, and Ellie was left behind. 

“You’re not leaving?” Chanyeol asked her. 

“My car is in the shop.” 

“What happened to it?” 

“It’s making a weird nose.”

“Ah.” He replied, sticking the mop in the bucket.

“Can I ask you something?” 

“You always do.” 

“What you said the other day, about me driving off a cliff, did you mean it?” 

Chanyeol grimaced and plopped the mop back and forth, “No. I didn’t. I was angry and just...I’m sorry. Really.”

“Angry like that guy and his sandwich?” She asked. 

“Maybe a little more.” He smiled. 

“I don’t know why I got upset. I’m usually not like that.” 

“That means something else was bothering you.” 

“Hm.” 

Chanyeol sighed and sat on one of the stools, “Go ahead. Spill it.”

“What do you mean?” 

“You obviously are itching to tell me. So tell me.” 

“You’ll laugh.” 

“I probably will.” 

Ellie looked at him hesitantly and he rolled his eyes, “Look, just tell me, I won’t laugh. I promise.” 

“Fine.” She took a deep breath, “There’s...a guy I like.” 

“Oh God, not one of these.”

“Shut up. Anyway, I like him, I like him loads, but he’s kind of a jerk.”

“Aren’t they all?”

Ellie laughed, “He’s rude, but he still makes my heart skip beats.” 

“Is he cute?” 

“Very.” 

“Continue.”

“But he doesn’t like me.”

“Do you know that?” 

“I’m positive of it.”

“Why?” 

“Because apparently…” Ellie took a deep breath and picked at her split ends, “I’m just a kid.” 

Chanyeol blinked in realization. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” 

“Why me specifically?” He asked. 

“I don’t know.”

Suddenly, the awkwardness Chanyeol was so good at had made an appearance. They sat on the stools for a long time and he suddenly couldn’t breathe from all the tension. 

“Can I try something?” She asked gently, getting up from her seat. 

Chanyeol nodded and stood up himself. It wasn’t the best idea, considering that he was towering over her. That still didn’t stop Ellie from standing up on the tips of her toes and pressing her lips to his. Chanyeol leaned down and returned her kiss before pulling away. He looked down at her watery eyes and wiped her tears away with his thumb.

“You don’t want me.” He said to her. 

“Shouldn’t I be able to decide that for myself?” Ellie asked, more hot tears spilling from her eyes. 

“Sweetheart, I live paycheck to paycheck, I live in a shit apartment and I can’t afford to pay bills. Sometimes, they cut off my electricity and my water, the last thing I want is for you to experience that as well.”

“Maybe I want to be poor.” She told him, “Maybe I want to huddle in sheets with you when it’s cold and we don’t have electricity. Maybe I want to smell terrible with you.”

Chanyeol smiled and rested his forehead to hers, “No you don’t.” 

Ellie continued to cry and felt Chanyeol kiss her once more. 

“You better go. Your Dad’s been outside the whole time.”

She nodded and walked out the door, in the brisk air, and in her father’s car.

“That’s him. Isn’t it?” Her father asked. 

Ellie smiled sadly, “Yeah.” 

“He’s a little too old for you. Don’t you think?” 

“Just by a few years, Dad.” 

 

Chanyeol was beginning to pack. He would soon be leaving Missouri in a matter of a week and since then, it’s been awkward in between him and Ellie. She no longer stayed after closing and Chanyeol was glad, it only would’ve made things worse. But, the night before he was leaving, Ellie stayed and refused to leave. 

“You’re only going to make it worse for yourself.” Chanyeol said. 

“I don’t care.”

Chanyeol finished his chores and walked over to her. Ellie stared up at him with eyes threatening and almost making him want to stay. He sighed and took her hand to place a kiss on her palm, after that he scribbled a combination of numbers on her hand. 

“If, in a few years, you still want to be poor with me and you haven’t found anyone else, give me a call. If and only if, alright?”

“Okay.” 

“Promise?” 

She nodded, “I promise.”

Chanyeol handed her the key to the restaurant before kissing her cheek, “Don’t avoid finding someone who makes you happy just because of me.” 

Ellie nodded and felt his lips on hers once more before the cold wind replaced his presence. 

\\\

Chanyeol has lived in Missouri comfortably for a total of four years. He had a steady job--one that didn't make him feeling like dying-- and a decent apartment that didn't have spiders anywhere. He owned a dog, a pug that loved to spend his days sleeping on his lap. Chanyeol was happy, and when his mother called from Korea, she no longer mentioned wives or girlfriends, she was just happy that her son was finally content. 

He didn't completely forget about Ellie, he thought about her every once in a while. He wondered if she had found someone, most importantly, he wondered if she forgot about him. While he usually wished she did, there were still nights where he wished she thought of him everyday. Though he knew it was never going to come, he would wait for the day the phone rang and it was her. 

But the day never came. 

At least that’s what he thought. 

He was at work one night, checking inventory when his phone rang. 

“Hello?”

“Is this Park Chanyeol?” A child asked. 

He raised an eyebrow, “Yeah.”

“I’m Vanessa.” 

“I’m…why’d you call me?”

“I’m Elizabeth’s little sister.”

“Is there something you need?” 

“I wanted to call you and tell you Ellie said she loved you.” 

Chanyeol heard Vanessa’s voice crack. 

“S-She also said that she wanted to call you so many times and she said she was sorry that she never did.” 

“Is she alright?” 

“Ellie’s had...she has cancer. Daddy says it’s the bad kind.”

Chanyeol’s heart fell to the floor and he sank into a chair, “What?”

“She’s sleeping a lot, and...and the doctor says she isn’t gonna wake up one day.”

“Is she awake right now?”

“T-That’s why I called you," Suddenly, Chanyeol couldn't breathe, "Ellie didn’t wake up this time.”

“She loved you a lot.” She said, trying to break the silence.

“I know.”

“Did you love her back?”

“Everyone loved her. It was impossible not to.” He said, trying to stop the tears from falling down his cheeks.


End file.
